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When
it rains, it pours; when it pours, it floods; when it floods,
it overwhelms; and only when it overwhelms is the domination
fruitful, complete, and satisfying. For a tour that was positively
dubbed DOA (dubbed, Dead On Arrival, or Dead even before stepping
on the Australian soil) well before the commencement of the
proceedings, the series ended with a lot of negative things
that were unexpected and unanticipated that transpired in
the month long event for the Indian team, on which the predictions
of the arm-chair critics were expected to bear fruition and
the results of analysis of the couch potato pundits were but
a foregone conclusion. The funeral has already been planned,
the coffin was already made up and readied and the pastor
was called in and prepared for the last rites - all this before
the team has left for the shores down under. For the purpose
of clarity, the reasons why the team has to fail and where
it failed are listed hereunder; ponder on the following
1.
The Indian opening pair which was supposed to fail without
any slightest doubt did anything but. The openers did a horrendous
job of trying to live up to the great image of Indian opening
post Gavaskar era. Aakash Chopra and Virender Sehwag need
to flayed for having the temerity to tarnish the records of
single digit opening partnerships, the reputation that the
first down batsman is literally the opener, and the foregone
conclusion that openers would be back in the dressing room
even before the draperies and the curtains have been completely
drawn off the shades and windows.
2.
Dravid's batting was supposed to stick to the norms and be
unexciting, dull and plain boring. He was supposed to discharge
his sheet anchor role duties with the clockwork precision
that he was known for and have all his work go to waste eventually
at the end of the day and finally at the end of the series.
Even in Waugh's wildest dreams, Dravid was expected to be
tame, meek and his docile self, taking the sledging lip from
the cordon surrounding him in his usual self-effacing stride,
and play into the plan of opposition, like the hamster stuck
in that perpetual wheel. He was slated to play the second
fiddle and third rung to the other dominating members of the
touring party (read Sachin), without finally coming out of
the shadows, creating an identity of his own and work his
way, one bead of sweat at a time, to the top, top-most. In
all, this tour has been a disappointing one for him, for side-stepping
from his usual (down)trodden path, and trailblazing a new
one. Very un-Dravidian!!
3.
Sachin, going by his past records, was supposed to dominate
the proceedings, umpires' incompetence and his personal batting
demons notwithstanding. That, he would make his centuries,
his half-ones, emerge at the top of the batting averages,
decimate the bowling attack with utter disdain and uncaring
contempt, contribute his bountiful to the usual lost causes,
make his acceptance speeches at the awards presentation, collecting
his ceremonial man of the match awards wearing a long and
sullen face, was what was originally scripted. That, a slump
as never before threaten his talent and make him question
his technique, a battle that was more mental and played in
the gray matter than on the 22 yards laid strip out in the
middle, an effort that was as concerted and as spirited in
the final test to put to rest his batt(l)ing demons finally,
was what that was unexpected, blindsided and un-God like!!
4.
The fastest bowler in the squad, in the tweaker variety that
is, wasn't expected to do any differently from his previous
outings outside the four borders. For the fastest bowler that
India has produced in the spinning variety (after Madan Lal),
Kumble, with a huge axe to grind and some miserable abroad
figures to take care of, was touted to take the lead of the
Turbonator spearheading the Indian spin attack, than lead
it himself by example. He was already pencilled in for major
effort-no avail, large heart-disappointing tournament, great
attitude-unrewarding results awards and was expected to win
those uncontested. At the end of the series, Kumble not only
turned down the awards in style, but pushed forth his nomination
in that envied "great abroad bowlers" category.
It is quite irritating when people do not stick to plans and
have their own plans to improvise and improve!!
5.
So what's so 'Special' about picking a 150 kmph ball that
was pitched way outside the off stump and directing it to
the mid wicket boundary fence? The sweet timing, the supple
wrists and the sheer mastery has been demonstrated by his
mentor before, for equal if not for greater effect. When he
toured with the party in 1999 and failed miserably in the
whole tour, forcing his back firmly against the wall, it was
the combination of desperation and daredevilry that started
his run glut against the Aussies with a knock of 167. And
when the Aussies toured India and had India cornered in the
Kolkata, he recalled his desperation and daredevilry, the
traits that he seem to summon at will, added a lit bit of
poise and caution, and seemingly made history. Whenever baggy
greens seem to take the field and have his team right by its
hair, he has the uncanny knack of turning the tables against
them, with those monumental knocks. Why does he have to derive
so much inspiration from that stupid Rock of Gibraltar? Why
can't he be consistent like the rest of the departing members
of his team, in cases of crises, and just fold? Where's his
spirit of 'one for all' and 'all for one' ?? So much for being
a team player!!!
6.
Lastly, for someone who insists on having an unshaven beard
throughout the duration of the test match, for a person who
does not mind looking unkempt and very un-captain like, for
the only member in the team who enjoys wearing the smile the
wrong way at any given time - upside down, for a man who does
not mind dishing out his choicest filth with great benevolence
even to the most senior members of the party at the slightest
hint of bumble and fumble, for a captain who is known more
for his 'in-your-face' attitude and 'up-yours-too' philosophy,
Saurav's role has already been decided as one who is subjugated
to Steve's will, sing paeans to the departing hero by handing
him over his last white wash series and get filed in the annals
as the yet another captain, who crumbled under the iron will
of the Waugh's mental, physical and psychological disintegration,
outdone, outshone and outperformed, by the clinical consistency
of the Aussies. For a person who looks quite odd dancing (specially
in that Hero Honda ad with Hritik Roshan), he was to ballet
gracefully to the tunes of the opposing captain and perform
the most difficult breathtaking maneuvers of the 'chin music'
with great élan. Not only did he stink being a miserable
actor enacting his role as the emaciated captain of the touring
team, a role which earned several former and current captains
great adulations, he also proved a terrible dancer of 'chin
music'.
When
players do not perform in ways they are expected and scripted
and things do not go according to plans laid in editorials
and op-ed pieces, it is quite natural that things go haywire
and results become unexpected and unanticipated. Here is to
a series that saw the emergence of an era of a team comprised
to terrible actors and bad dancers!
By
Srinivas Kanchibhotla
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